


The sun is shining, but you are not smiling

by Snap_crackle_spock



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, I'll add tags as we go, Keith actually leaves in 2:06, Keith is a dramatic shit, M/M, Rebel!Keith, gayy, im super tired rn, shiro is in mourning, surpriseingly they aren't dating in the first chapter?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2018-12-12 16:02:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11740407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snap_crackle_spock/pseuds/Snap_crackle_spock
Summary: "The universe does this thing, Shiro noticed. Whenever there’s a person, whether they’re the leader of an empire or a fruit merchant, they’ll have lives that intertwine with other, equally significant-to-this-metaphor lives. They’ll bond and interact and have entire storylines that go on. And something will happen that’s groundbreaking. Earth-shattering. Life changing. Those lives will be forever changed by those actions and interactions. By those storylines that mean everything to each other.And what’ll the universe do? It’ll keep going on like nothing happened because fuck you, this is the entire universe we’re talking about here, what do a few measly life changing events matter in the grand scheme of things?"-AU where Keith actually does leave in 2:06 and doesn't come back





	1. I'm looking at the bottom and I must descend

The universe does this thing, Shiro noticed. Whenever there’s a person, whether they’re the leader of an empire or a fruit merchant, they’ll have lives that intertwine with other, equally significant-to-this-metaphor lives. They’ll bond and interact and have entire storylines that go on. And something will happen that’s groundbreaking. Earth-shattering. Life changing. Those lives will be forever changed by those actions and interactions. By those storylines that mean everything to each other.

And what’ll the universe do? It’ll keep going on like nothing happened because fuck you, this is the entire universe we’re talking about here, what do a few measly life changing events matter in the grand scheme of things? There are billions of people with problems all happening at the same time, so why the hell should you think you’re so special?

He also noticed that people do this other thing. They’ll admit to knowing that the universe doesn’t give a damn about their problems, and then they’ll carry on like they’re the 1% of lives that actually  _ do _ matter to the vast expanse of nothingness. Shiro used to laugh about that; he thought that people who did that were all hypocrites that maybe needed to get over themselves. 

As it turns out, he simply hadn’t had such a life changing event. 

You’d think it’d have something to do with being abducted by aliens, right? I mean, that seems like it’d be the most obvious thing for Shiro to put at the top of his ‘reasons why the universe hates me personally’ list. 

But… Nah.

Turns out, the thing that shook him the most; the thing that made his up down and left right; the thing that he never really thought he could get over didn’t even have anything to do with him personally. He thinks about the morning after constantly, probably a lot more than he really should.

 

_ “Shiro!” There was a banging on his door, a constant knock that woke him up from what felt like the best night of sleep he’s had since he left Earth. Grumbling, he squeezed his eyes shut tighter and reaching his arm out, looking for a form that he was avidly disappointed to find was no longer sharing his bed. After another moment of searching, he groggily sat up, looking around his small room for Keith. _

_ He’d wandered into Shiro’s room late last night, grumbling something about how he couldn’t sleep. Shiro’d taken three whole ticks to just shrug and scoot further over in his bed, making room for the much smaller paladin. Keith let one of those soft smiles that he seemed to reserve exclusively for private moments shine through, though for some reason it didn’t quite reach his eyes, before sliding into the too-small bed and curling up against Shiro and reading the book he’d had propped open over the older man’s shoulder, which Shiro was 90% sure he’d actually borrowed from Keith. _

_ They did that a lot, sharing beds. Back in their Garrison days it was because that little shed of theirs only had one bed, which meant that either they shared or one slept on the couch, and neither really wanted that. The habit carried over to nights in the Castle, mostly because their rooms shared a wall and Keith could always hear when Shiro would wake up screaming and immediately rush in and stay the rest of the night by his side, reassuring the older man that everything was okay.  _

_ Usually Shiro was awake before Keith, so finding the bed empty was a startling surprise. Shiro figured that he must’ve slipped back into his room earlier.  _

_ Accepting that as his answer, Shiro let out a tired sigh before kicking his legs off the bed and getting up to go open the door. Outside stood Lance, his body covered in a fuzzy blue bathrobe that he must’ve made in the Castle’s weird artificial item generator that Shiro didn’t really trust.  _

_ “G’morning, Lance,” Shiro nodded, half-heartedly realizing that he’d fallen asleep shirtless and therefore did not have one for this early-morning interaction. Whatever. Did he really have it in him to care? “S’there somethin’ I can help you with?” Keith’s told him a million times that he slurs his words when he wakes up, and he kind of hates the fact that he does it. He’s supposed to be their leader, right? How’s he supposed to get respect if he couldn’t even say full words? _

_ “It’s Allura.” That’s when Shiro noticed Lance’s face. Worry was evident on his face, which made  _ Shiro _ worry because that’s not something Lance did. He was never one to jump to negative conclusions, in fact it was usually him who brought the team out of that sort of head space. Shiro appreciated it immensely, as it seemed to be something that only Lance could do. Seeing Lance worried meant that something unarguably bad was happening.  _

_ “What about Allura?” Shiro straightened, his post-sleep tiredness falling away just like that. _

_ “See, I usually see her in the mornings, right? ‘Cause she and I always end up having morning tea together because I need caffeine -but coffee is horrible for you. Not that you or Keith or Pidge seem to understand that.- and I guess she just had tea because she’s a princess? I don’t know. The point is that she always gets tea from the kitchen at the same time as me. And, like, at first I was just like ‘oh, whatever. Maybe she just slept in.’ But I mean when was the last time that you saw  _ Allura _ sleep in? So I thought I might as well check on her just incase she’s like sick or something and-” _

_ “Is there a point to this, Lance?” _

_ “Yes!” He said, eyes blowing wide for a minute before settling again, “I mean, yeah. I went to check on her and she wasn’t there so I went to Coran to see if he knew where she was and he checked the Castle database to see what he could find and she’s  _ gone!”

_ “What do you mean ‘she’s gone’?” Shiro asked, getting more and more uncomfortable by the tick. _

_ “I mean last night there was some activity from the hanger and apparently some of the pods are missing.” _

“What?” _ Shiro ground out.  _

_ “... There’s more,” Lance confessed and Shiro pinched the bridge of his nose, just above his scar, and shut his eyes because how could there  _ possibly _ be something that could make it worse? “Keith’s gone, too.”  _

_ Turns out, that was something that could make it worse.  _

_ “Get Hunk, Pidge, and Coran. I’ll meet you on the Command Deck.” Lance nodded, and turned away, though not before Shiro could call out a quick, “And Lance!” The blue paladin turned, “Good catch.” Lance gave a lopsided smile at that, and then went along his way once again. _

_ Shiro backed into his room, watching the door shut and taking a moment to breath before turning to dig around his drawers for a shirt. As this continued, Shiro couldn’t help his eyes from flicking to the bed, mind wandering to last night. How Keith had slid into his room and the smile that hadn’t reached his eyes. He thought of how he’d woken up by himself and had assumed everything was fine when, if he was being realistic with himself, Keith had never been up before him so why should he start now? That’s not even bringing up the endless discussions they’d had yesterday about how Zarkon always seemed to find them. That, and just the overall  _ off- _ ness of Keith from the day before. _

_ Shiro felt like an idiot. An idiot who apparently wasn’t even able to read his own best friend, because how could you miss so many obvious warning signs that something was wrong? Maybe he had noticed and just repressed the issue in hopes that if he ignored it long enough it’d go away. It wouldn’t be the first time. _

_ He got dressed. _

_ Keith hadn’t stumbled into Shiro’s room until late, and Lance woke Shiro up early. Which meant that Keith probably hadn’t gotten that far. On top of that, there was no way the pods were faster than the Castle. The only problem was that Shiro wasn’t sure they could be tracked, which meant that they’d have to talk Allura and Keith into coming back on their own. He wasn’t worried, though. Keith wouldn’t just up and permanently leave. And if Allura was with him she’d surely have a level head that could ground him, because lord knows Keith needed someone to do that for him. Shiro wasn’t worried.  _

_ It didn’t take long for the team to converge on the Deck, Coran already hard at work trying to get a hold of Allura and Keith. Looking around, Shiro took note of the varying degrees of worry on everyone’s face. Coran was top of the list, though. Absolutely frantic and constantly muttering about the princess.  _

_ “I can’t believe they left,” Hunk said from Shiro’s left, and he looked over his shoulder to see the yellow paladin staring pointedly at the ground, as if inspecting it for the answers that he didn’t have. “I mean, in the middle of the night and everything. That never goes over well in movies.” _

_ “Why did they leave in the middle of the night?” Lance wondered out loud, still in his silly blue robe. “I mean,” he looked around worriedly at the rest of the team, “you don’t think they’re… y’know...K-I-S-S-I-N-G, right?”  _

_ Shiro maybe had to bite back an eye roll. _

_ “Contacting one of the pods now!” Coran said with a sigh of relief. _

One of the pods?

_ “Hello?” Coran asked, “Hello, do either of you read me?” _

_ “Coran?” The feminine voice of princess Allura came through the speakers and Shiro couldn’t help his foot tapping on the ground. _

_ “Princess! Princess, where are you?” Coran said, pulling the microphone probably closer to his face than he needed to. _

_ “I’m exactly where I need to be, Coran. Far away from the Castle.” _

_ “Is Keith with you?” Pidge asked from the back. _

_ “Why?” Hunk said at the same time. _

_ “No, Pidge, he’s not in my pod. He took a separate one so we could both be sure of whom Zarkon was tracking.” _

_ Pidge said something about isolating variables in the background.  _

_ “Coran,” Shiro said, “see if you can get online with Keith’s pod as well. Allura, splitting up the group does nothing for us. If anything it makes us more vulnerable. You and Keith need to turn your pods around this minute and come back.” _

_ “Shiro, I can’t do that. Finding out if we’re being tracked by Zarkon is a far greater risk than possibly running into a space pirate or two. And if I do find trouble, I know enough about piloting to steer myself to safety. I’d rather take a risk and know than remain safer and possibly be a threat to Voltron.” _

_ “I’m having trouble connecting to the second pod!” _

_ “Then try again, Coran!” Shiro shouted in frustration, “Allura, what happens if Zarkon  _ does _ find you? What happens if you are the one he’s tracking? We still need you to pilot the Castle. If you so badly want to help, the best thing you can do for the team is return. We’ll figure this out another day.” _

_ “I’m sorry, Shiro. I cannot just-” There was a snap, crackle, and a pop and she fizzled out. The Castle jostled, and Shiro snapped his attention to the space around them where they appeared to have entered some sort of debris field. Fine. Yet another thing for them to deal with.  _

_ “Paladins,” Shiro called, “get into your lions and we’ll deal with Taujeer. Coran, try to re-establish that link.”  _

_ Okay, maybe Shiro was mildly worried.  _

 

_ In the end, Allura returned. After the citizens of Taujeer were safe again and the paladins all returned to see the pod back in the hanger and the princess back on the dock. There was, however, a silently prominent absence of the red paladin, to which Shiro bore in mind. _

_ “I’m deeply sorry, to all of you,” Allura said once all of their team -minus one- had gathered, “I truly did think that I was doing the right thing when I left. I thought that it was the logical next step.” _

_ “It’s not your fault, princess,” Lance reassured her, placing a hand on her shoulder which caused Coran to glare, “we’re just glad that you’re back safely.” _

_ “Where’s Keith?” Was all Shiro added. _

_ “I saw him, we both seemed to have the same idea at the same time. I’d suggested going together, though he convinced me that it made more sense to separate, as that way we could distinguish who was truly being tracked. It was actually quite the commendable argument.” _

_ “Yes, but where is he now?” Shiro crossed his arms. “I mean, you two must’ve had some form of communication in case something happened, right?” _

_ The princess looked down, “When Coran got through to me, saying Zarkon had found you even while both of us were gone, I tried using the comm system placed in all the pods, but his read that it was malfunctioning.” She looked up at Shiro now, “It could be… That is to say that… He might’ve disabled it himself.” _

_ “He wouldn’t do that. He’s smarter than that.” _

_ “Is he?” Lance pitched in. _

_ “Shiro, when I saw him last night, he had many bags with him. Possibly all of his belongings. I… Well I don’t think he’d planned on coming back in the case that he  _ was _ the one being tracked.” _

_ “Well how would he know if he cut his comm system?” Hunk shrugged. _

_ There was a moment of silence, and Shiro couldn’t take it any more. He gave an indignant huff and stormed out of the room to the tune of Pidge saying something about how she could probably create a location system using the pod’s comm links. Shiro didn’t pause to hear more. There was already too much white noise in his head as it was.  _

_ He went to Keith’s room first, turning over the sheets and opening every drawer as if by some miracle he would find something. Some proof that Keith didn’t really mean to leave  _ forever. _ Just a bit. Just long enough to be sure. And then he’d be back, and Shiro would wag his finger but would ultimately pull him into a hug and tell him that he missed him, and the universe would be right again. Everything would be fine. _

_ He didn’t find anything, though. All he found were empty drawers and a neatly made bed. Like the room had never been lived in in the first place.  _

_ Shiro screamed in frustration. _

_ And maybe also punched the wall a bit. _

_ He stormed into his room, wishing that he could slam the automatic doors and frustrated in himself for being this dramatic. He paced his room, looking for some sign. Anything, at this point.  _

_ The book they’d both been reading was on the desk in his room.  _

_ Which wasn’t where he’d put it when he was falling asleep last night. _

_ He lunged for it so quickly he was scared he was going to break something.  _

_ He must be going crazy, right? Is it possible to go crazy in the span of a few hours? Either way, in retrospect he’d be laughing at himself for grasping at slightly misplaced books and punching walls because somebody leaves. Either way.... Either way he still does these things because Keith was  _ gone _ and that was  _ wrong _ and the universe just fucking hated him and - honestly? What had he possibly done to deserve this?  _

_ He flipped through the pages, desperately trying to find whatever it was that needed to be found. Then the note fell out. Shiro would’ve dropped the book -that was his first instinct- but something about the fact that that was all he had left of Keith kind of made him cherish it more. Instead of dropping, he set it back on the desk carefully, then dived down for the fallen note. _

**_Shiro,_ **

**_I’m sorry this was so sudden, I just had some things to work out and I knew you would try to stop me._ **

**_I left the red paladin armor and bayard in Red. Take good care of her for me._ **

_ There was a part that was too scratched out to do anything near comprehend. _

**_I’m sorry._ **

**_-Keith_ **

_ Shiro didn’t even notice for another week or so that Keith had taken one of Shiro’s gray hoodies, leaving his red jacket in it’s place.  _

 

In Coran’s words, “It all seemed to work itself out in the end.” 

Lance moved to Red, -Shiro wasn’t 100% sure that’s what Keith intended with ‘take good care of her for me’ but he wasn’t there anymore so he couldn’t argue, could he?- and Allura had joined the team in Blue. It took months (quite a few of them) to adjust to life minus one but they did, and they kept fighting. The Blade of Marmora helped in their quest against Zarkon, and their giant teludav created by Slav had lead them to quite possibly the greatest victory possible. 

Shiro still missed Keith, though.

In battle, when he couldn’t just rely on the fact that they were on the same wavelength, but actually had to fully explain everything he needed team to be doing. While training, wishing that he’d have someone who didn’t know all of his oldest tricks. And, more often than any other, in the down time. Whenever he felt like there was simply an element missing from the group dynamic.

The team had looked for Keith for quintent after quintent, using Pidge’s tracking device only to find an already abandoned pod on some bustling big-city planet, and then spending vargas after that asking anyone who would listen if they’d seen a short, mullet-headed, impatient paladin of Voltron. So far, no such luck.

Shiro was probably the last to accept what had happened. He wasn’t even sure if he’d ever, really. His life felt a lot emptier without Keith, which was probably a dumb and really cliche thing to say, but Shiro had decided to live with it because what did he care if others thought he was cliche?

The red paladin armor was put back where they’d found it. Lance kept the blue armor, and Allura had a pink set. Something about fallen warriors that Shiro had never really listened to. 

Keith’s jacket found it’s way into Shiro’s room. And by found he meant that he’d never actually told anybody else that it was there in the first place, and therefore had decided it was his. He didn’t even do anything with it, just sat and watched it when he felt waves of self-pity. Sometimes, just to remind himself that it’d all been real, he’d simply take it in hand and squeeze, trying desperately to remember the man who’d worn it.

As time slipped past Shiro found himself remembering less and less of what should be the most insignificant details. Keith’s laugh, how long his hair actually it, the proper shade of his eyes. Thing that Shiro’d never even thought about missing and yet found himself mourning constantly. 

Sometimes he wondered if this had been how Keith had felt after Kerberos. Like there was the looming possibility of never seeing the other ever again but staying in denial because  _ you will find them. You know you will. It’s just a matter of time. _

(Shiro decided it wasn’t at all like Kerberos, because Keith had known back then. Shiro hadn’t had a choice and Keith had been proud of Shiro for being chosen. He’d told Shiro that everything would be okay. They’d had time before to prepare. Keith had been with him when he left. With this, Keith hadn’t even trusted Shiro in the first place.)

  
This whole thing was based on [THIS](http://hyteriart.tumblr.com/image/162744460966) drawing


	2. I'm climbing up a ladder that has no end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let’s talk about space.
> 
> Let’s talk about how it’s big and limitless and has endless possibilities.
> 
> Let’s talk about how, when you’re floating around in a pod that you may or may not have irreversibly damaged the comm system in, space suddenly feels a lot bigger, and a lot lonelier, than you’d ever imagined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone was wondering, the title for this fic and all of the chapter titles are from Watsky's 'Hey, Asshole' on Cardboard Castles. 12/10, would recommend that to anyone.

Let’s talk about  _ space. _

Let’s talk about how it’s big and limitless and has endless possibilities.

Let’s talk about how, when you’re floating around in a pod that you may or may not have irreversibly damaged the comm system in, space suddenly feels a lot bigger, and a lot lonelier, than you’d ever imagined. 

Keith had been thinking about space ever since he knew that the sun was the middle of their universe. After he learned that there were more planets beyond pluto, he’d been completely sold on the idea of thinking about space for the rest of his life. The fact that he wound up at the Galaxy Garrison just happened to line up with that plan. 

But lately, Keith’d been wondering if he’d seen too much of space. 

When he was a kid, he’d been trained that the galaxy was fabulous place that had so many wonderful things that the people of Earth couldn’t even begin to imagine. He’d decided that, when he eventually did leave for space, he’d be able to leave all of his earth problems behind. No dads who left or moms that died or boys that disappeared without a real explanation. Just him, the stars, and maybe a nice rocket.

Turns out, going to explore the universe didn’t give you a free pass to just leave everything that bothered you behind. If anything, it was all of that  _ plus _ new problems like aliens that weren’t very nice and magic robot cats that you wound up piloting. 

_ Red would’ve killed him if she found out that he’d called her a cat. _

She was the hardest goodbye that he gave before he left, mostly because she was the only one he’d said goodbye too. He’d somehow thought that he could just slip in and out, leaving his bayard and armor, without her saying a word. What an idiot. They didn’t exactly talk, that’s not how the lions worked, but he’d  _ felt _ her disapproval when he’d set down the bayard. He’d felt the nag in the back of his mind that was her way of telling him to stay. He’d felt the emptiness as he left with a final “be good to the next guy,”, but maybe that feeling was more him that her.

Maybe it was kind of both.

He’d felt bad for skirting around the truth with Allura. But she didn’t question him or the fact that he wasn’t dressed in his own clothes. That he had a large sack of his belongings slung across his back. So he tried to be as gentle with his attempts to leave by himself as he could. 

Maybe this was the coward’s way out. Maybe he should’ve sat down with the team, had a rational conversation,  _ not _ destroyed his comm system.

But Keith thought about Shiro. He thought about how he’d looked so ridiculously peaceful last night, and Keith felt awful because he knew that he was being selfish by taking as much of that as he could get before he left. He thought about how he would do anything for that man, about how if Shiro had asked him not to go then he wouldn’t’ve. Because out of every problem that Keith had to deal with, out of every monster and crumbling planet and opening of Lance’s mouth, he had Shiro. Shiro, who’d left him but came back but not the same. Stronger, but not because of his new arm. Stronger in the sense that he’s seen things that someone so young shouldn’t ever see. 

There was a pattern, Keith had noticed. Leaving. Parents and Shiro’s and friends and senses of self and whole planets. And… Was it sick that Keith was happy that he was finally the person that was leaving, and not being left? Of course he wished that it were under different circumstances. Of course it tore out Keith’s heart to sneak away from that little room like a crook in the night. Of course in an ideal world he wouldn’t have to leave in the first place. 

But still, this had been his choice, this had been Keith’s doing. And as he let his head fall back so he could look at the vast nothing of space, Keith settled into himself. This was something that he’d needed to do. This was for the safety of the team. He was a liability, he was a threat, and on top of all of that he had a million questions about himself that he knew nobody on the team would ever truly understand. He didn’t other options. 

He’d be back eventually. 

He told himself that a lot. 

One day he’d go back, but he needed to sort himself out first. 

 

-

 

**Six months later**

 

-

 

Word of Voltron’s victory spread across the universe. Even to the most remote, most distant parts of it. The parts that Keith seemed to find himself these days. He was proud of them, he really was. And he wanted to go back. He so, so desperately wanted to. 

At this point, though, it was too late. He kept up with their news, he knew that Lance was in Red - _ why?- _ and Allura was in Blue. And Keith? Keith was forgotten. He hadn’t been the one that Zarkon was tracking, so what? He still had a million other questions that needed answering and almost no leads. He had his sack, he had his knife, and he had a handful of credits that he’d made doing odd jobs, usually smuggling things past Galra borders. 

Oh, yeah, another thing he had: a new race to belong to.  _ Galra. _ The thought curdled in his head like sour milk.

_ He’d walked into an alien knife dealer, a handful of weeks after he’d landed on Adriemia -which was a week after he’d discarded the pod on Bragua FJ4, from which he’d promptly smuggled onto a cargo ship and gotten off at the first stop.- The minute he’d heard the steel bells ring when he’d entered the shop, something felt off. It took a whopping three ticks before a short, old, possibly female alien came out from behind the counter. The blue swirls decorating her orange skin vaguely reminded Keith of Allura and Coran, but he pushed the thought from his head the minute it entered.  _

_ “We don’t serve Galra here.” She said firmly, and Keith had to admire her bravery. Even if she was wrong, denying someone she thought  _ was _ Galra took guts. Keith was sure he would’ve liked her had her words to him not been so,  _ so _ wrong in every way.  _

_ “I’m not Galra,” he replied calmly, searching for her eyes, only to find opaque orbs staring back at him.  _ Must be blind, _ he thought.  _ Explains why she thought I was Galra.

_ “Yes you are,” she countered, reaching over to grab what looked like it could be a broom, but there were live worm-like creatures attached to the end of it. “You glow red, just like the rest of them! Angry, destructive, chaotic red!” She moved to whack him with the broom-thing, but cleanly dodged it and palmed his knife, which he’d long since stopped bothering to wrap in his cloth. Who’d he have to hide it from, now? Everyone he really cared about was left behind. She tried to hit him again, but this time instead of dodging he intercepted the wooden handle with the blade, catching her broom in midair.  _

_ “What do you mean ‘I glow?’” He asked, pushing the knife a bit closer to her.  _

_ She looked like she was about spit at him.  _

_ After what he’d done to the team, Keith probably would’ve  let her. _

_ It didn’t come to that, though. Before she could bark out another scathing comment, there was a voice speaking behind them, which startled Keith as the bells attached to the door hadn’t chimed.  _

_ “She’s an Astral Reader, in case you couldn’t tell,” Keith looked over to see a masked and hooded figure, with a strong build and a menacing sword slung across his back.  _

_ The woman bit out a hiss, muttering another, “I said we don’t serve Galra.” before backing away to retreat behind her desk, and Keith noticed the faintest hint of a tail behind her floor-length skirt. Keith thought for a moment, ultimately deciding that this wasn’t worth it, and left the shop with an indignant huff. The masked figure followed him into the street.  _

_ Adriemia was a small planet, and the entirety of it was covered in a vast cityscape. As he moved along the ground level, he looked up to see layer after layer of bridges connecting buildings, hovercraft transportation, and floating advertisements. As he kept walking, the stranger kept on his tail. Keith maneuvered left and right, doubling back and circling blocks multiple times, but the mysterious creature kept stalking him. Eventually, Keith sighed to himself -because of course he had to deal with this. Did he ever get a break?- and readjusted his dark red bandana, which he’d been using to tie over his face in an effort to hide his identity. Whatever. Fine.  _ Fine. _ He’ll find another knife dealer later. There was bound to be at least twelve more in this district alone.  _

_ Keith wandered down an ally, putting up the guise of being lost when he, in fact, knew exactly where he was. He’s not an idiot, after all. Of course he’d grabbed one of Pidge’s devices that plugged into pretty much any mainframe and seemed to be the most convenient thing in the world. (She’d made them for everyone after they’d been separated through the corrupted wormhole. Each had the ability to send out a distress signal, as well as hack into security cameras to give live feed and a blueprint of wherever they were.)  _

_ (Keith missed her a lot.)  _

_ (Keith didn’t let himself ponder on that thought for more than a second.) _

_ So, yeah, he knew his way around the planet. He knew that this ally was a dead end. Just like he knew that there was a fire escape on one side of it that he could use to hide and get the jump on his follower.  _

_ And get the jump he did.  _

_ As soon the unknown creature paused to look for Keith, he jumped. He landed gracelessly on the alien, his legs twining around their waist and his arms around their neck before they had the chance to react. He thought back to the Castle, and how he probably looked like Pidge when Hunk gave her piggyback rides down the seemingly endless halls. The sword on the alien’s back dug into Keith’s ribcage -Shiro’s sweatshirt only giving him so much protection against things like that- and the stranger thrashed around until eventually slamming Keith onto the wall. _

_ That cause the former red paladin to stumble and fall off, landing in a crouched position. He palmed his knife and the alien turned, drawing their sword. It was long, sleek and dark. Curved at the end it kind of reminded Keith of what he thought pirates used for weapons. And there, at the top of the hilt, was the same design on Keith’s knife. The same glowing purple sigil that had driven Keith from his team.  _

_ “Who did you steal that blade from?” A booming female voice came from behind the mask, the three purple circles and casting an ominous light on their otherwise shadowy corner. She twirled her blade, though not in a show-offish manor. It seemed almost relaxed as she sank back into a crouch of her own. “You do not read as a member of the Blade.” _

_ “I-I didn’t steal it!” He countered, suddenly thrown off guard by the fact that she must know something about what was happening. This is what he’d abandoned the team for, this is what he was looking for. And suddenly, he was facing it down, both ready to harm the other. Keith had never considered that, perhaps, his answers were better left undiscovered. “I’ve had it all my life.” _

_ “You lie!” The female hissed and lunged at him. Keith dodged easily, tossing his knife between hands and aiming to block the sword as she moved in again. This time, the blades caught, and Keith had to use both hands to brace against the strength of this mysterious stranger. _

_ “Please!” He begged, forcing the blades apart and rapidly backing up, “I’m telling the truth! I don’t want to fight! I’ve had this knife for longer than I can remember. Just tell me what it means!” _

**_“We don’t serve Galra here.”_ **

**_“You fight like a Galra.”_ **

**_The way his hands had turned that hideous purple when the quintesence had spilled onto him._ **

_ “You seek knowledge?” She asked, stepping back and lowering her weapon. Keith inhaled sharply and nodded. When was the last time he’d been in a fight? A few weeks? He was off his game, getting sloppy through laziness. The female alien inspected him again before sheathing her sword and removing her mask, though the hood remained. Staring back at him, with big, yellow eyes, was a Galra soldier. _

_ Keith readjusted his grip on the knife. _

_ “My organization has only one way to attain knowledge.” She jut out her chin, which had three dark purple striped running over the light blue skin, from the bottom of her lip and disappearing beneath the collar of her armor.  _

_ “Anything,” Keith huffed, “I’ll do it.” _

_ She considered him for another moment, and for the first time Keith saw intelligence and rationality in the dandelion eyes of a Galra soldier. “The Trials of Marmora.” She straightened, gaze burning Keith, “should you survive, the answers you seek will become apparent to you.” _

 

_ Keith’s not going to lie, the hardest part of the trials weren’t the countless battles. It wasn’t even seeing his dad after what felt like an eternity. The hardest part was standing there, listening to a vision of Shiro the he  _ knew _ wasn’t real but couldn’t help hoping was tell him that he was being selfish. _

_ It mostly hurt because it was true, because Keith knew it was true.  _

_ He knew it wasn’t real, but it might as well have been. _

  
  


The name of the Blade woman who’d originally found him was Brae. She was a scout sent to Adriemia to see if she could find any information on possible new Galra Empire stations. She was mean and stern and unafraid to speak and also probably the best fighter that Keith knew. 

After the Trials, after it was confirmed to him that he was at least partially Galra, he’d explained his situation. He was a paladin of Voltron on a little personal detour. They told him that the paladins of Voltron would be arriving any varga now, as one of the Blade members, Ulaz, had gone against orders and sent word to them. They offered to let Keith stay on the base until the rest of his team arrived, and Keith declined because he still had questions, if not more than he’d started out with. He’d asked them if they wouldn’t mind failing to mention that he’d been there and they agreed. 

They gave him a single-pilot ship and let him keep his blade, which was more than Keith could’ve really asked for. As he was leaving, Brae gave him a small device to ring if he ever needed help, and then promised that if all went smoothly with Voltron when he returned she’d be glad to finish their battle without the high-stakes of actual death, which Keith took as a compliment.

And that was that, and Keith was gone. 

 

* * *

 

 

As it turns out, the artist Hyteri (the person responsible for this entire AU in the first place) has more than one work in the collection! Such as [this](http://hyteriart.tumblr.com/image/163172438886)!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: the artist who does the art that I'm basing this fic on reached out to me on Tumblr and low-key shouted-out this??? Everyone go check her out! The acc is Hyteriarts and she has tons of great Sheith stuff. 
> 
> As always, I love hearing your thoughts and questions, they really do make my day! 
> 
> Next chapter: Meet cute in this fic? More likely than you think


	3. Another opportunity of a lifetime just slipped away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You had no right to keep that information,” Shiro spat.
> 
> “And you have no right to demand things from me.”
> 
> “I had every right in this case! I don't care what he is, he's more my family than your kind could ever be to him! He's good and strong-willed and hot-headed and human. He's more human than I could ever hope to be! He is not one of you.” The words flew from Shiro's mouth faster than he could consider them, which is why he didn't take into account that he'd just insulted the leader of their strongest ally.
> 
> Kholivan seemed to realize that Shiro wasn't totally there, though, because he just let the words bounce off of him like water off stone. His gaze was still steely, and Shiro could see the tenseness of his jaw. “Perhaps you should take a walk, Black Paladin, and consider that maybe this type of thinking is what led your friend to self-exile.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, it's been a while.
> 
> Updates are probably gonna take more time because school is starting up soon.

Shiro decides that the universe is not the same without Keith. There's strong evidence pointing to this, and then there are the more subtle hints. And, of course, there’s simply the overall shift of the team. More solemn, not relaxed but definitely sunken. They used to have seven pair of arms holding up the weight of the universe, and suddenly there were only six. 

Shiro noticed these shifts. The ways the team interacted and what they got up too in their free time. 

Lance seemed to take it harder than most. Since Red had accepted him as her new paladin -Shiro didn't want to think about that because it meant that she thought Keith really wasn't coming back- he'd started pushing himself. At first Shiro was happy to see the improvements in battle. But, after a while, it became apparent that Lance didn't know when to  _ stop _ pushing. He trained like he had something to prove, and Shiro worried that the new red paladin truly did think that was the case. 

Allura was having difficulties, too. Blue had taken her in and the princess was improving -at an alarming rate, of Shiro was honest- but she was still months behind every other paladin. With that  _ and _ the negotiations that she had to balance with training Shiro had begun to suspect that she'd stopped sleeping ball together. 

The same could be said for Pidge. Since the disappearance she'd been locking herself in the Lab, hardly coming out and even then it was solely for bathroom purposes. Shiro could only sleep at night because he regularly saw Hunk going in with plates of food and out with empty ones.

Not that he really slept.

There were new people to help, of course. Allies seemed to be cropping up from all across the universe. Slav, the Merfolk Lance and Hunk had run into, and of course the Blade. 

The Blade of Marmora was quite possibly their strongest ally. Their numbers outranked any other armada that'd pledged themselves to Voltron and their combat skills were advanced beyond imagination. Not to mention the fact that they'd apparently planted multiple double agents among the Galra Empire forces. 

Which, you know, probably wasn't that hard. Seeing as they were all Galra. 

It took some adjusting to. Not even just the fact that they were Galra - though that was a large portion of it. But on top of that, their overall secretivity. Every time that they met, even when they seemed to be revealing themselves more and more, Shiro couldn't help the suspicion that there was something major that they were hiding from the team. 

“Why do you call yourselves the Blade of Marmora?” Shiro asked one day after a strategy meeting. Allura and Coran had -graciously- excused themselves the tick the meeting was called to a close. Lance had disappeared into the training room of their base, chasing the literal tail of a taller female. Pidge and Hunk had requested a small tour, which Kholivan had instructed a begrudging Antok to lead, which left Shiro, Kholivan himself, and the Blade’s head spy, a female Shiro had come to know as Brae. 

The two Galra exchanged a questioning glance -having long since forgone their ominous masks- before Brae shrugged and returned to looking at a small device held in her claw. What a teenager.

(Did Galra have age groups like teenagers? Shiro made a note to ask)

“The Old Gods,” Kholivan began, running his hand down his scalp and dragging his braid over his shoulder, “were the deities that we worshipped before Zarkon’s reign. Since then, it seemed like religion was a second priority at best and thus the gods were forgotten. Marmora was goddess of war and protection, yes, but also balance and just trial. War for peace, as the elders called it.”

Seeing his confusion, Brae stepped in. “Zarkon wars as a quest for power. He fight not because he must, but because he has the means and therefore can. Marmora was -as legend had it- the protector of the gods. She defended their kingdom from harm not because she wanted to, but because if she didn't thousands would die.”

“Precisely,” Kholivan nodded, “She was said to have sword that could kill with a single blow, but only harmed the truly guilty. She had a saying, which we’ve adopted. I don't know if there's a human translation for it, but it goes,” he made a series of hissing and grunting noises from deep in his chest. Allura had explained eons ago that the paladin armor had built in translators that transferred any alien language to the wearer's native tongue. Suddenly hearing something on the Galra native tongue was startling, to say the least. 

“The closest translation would mean something like ‘true power is mercy’.” Brae helped, suddenly tapping furiously at her device. “My apologies, I must be excused.” She nodded her head, bowing out of the room, the doors opening and shutting behind her. Right as she left, though -right before the door fully shut- Shiro swears he saw her lift the device and hiss  _ “Keith,”  _ into it before fully disappearing. 

 

The next time Shiro gets a chance to interact Brae outside of a meeting, she's in the training deck. It'd been a month since their defeat of Zarkon. War messes with people’s persona schedules like that. Hunk and Lance were working on a small-scale mission, Pidge was slaving away over a two second video clip Coran was helping with, and Allura was doing diplomatic princess things. And Shiro? Shiro was still looking. The universe had moved on from the missing Red Paladin and Shiro was still fucking looking. 

Sometimes, he worried that Keith had forgotten his promise. Had forgotten that he'd  _ promised  _ Shiro that he'd come back. Sometimes he worried Keith had moved on all together. That he'd found someone and decided that whoever it was was more important than the universe. Than Voltron. Than earth. 

Than the team. 

Than Shiro. 

He wondered if this was some sort of cruel revenge plan. If Keith had never really forgiven Shiro for going on the Kerberos mission and this was his twisted way of getting back at him. But Shiro decided that if he really thought that, then he'd really forgotten what Keith was really like. He was letting Lance’s caricature of him cloud the true personality of his longest friend. 

Shiro watched the Galra commander train for what probably toed the line of being too long. He couldn't help it, though. She moved with a fluidity and poise that couldn't be taught. It was a natural comfort in the midst of chaos that Shiro envied. She fought with two weapons, a knife and a sword, both embellished with the Blade’s sigil. As she dueled the training Gladiator, Shiro couldn't help being impressed. 

When the training simulation ended, Brae sheathed both blades and bent down to grab the towel by her feet and wipe her face. 

“You can stop staring, Black Paladin,” she smiled into the towel before tossing it over her shoulder and turning to face him. As she did, he saw the lights reflecting off of small dots of something in her large ears. Upon closer inspection, Shiro saw that they were actually small gems that littered the shell of her cat-like appendages, almost like earrings. But there were so  _ many.  _ Some of them were black, Other a startling silver. Occasionally there were some that Shiro couldn't even name a color for, and right at the center was a multi-faced one, each side pulsing a different shade of red. 

“That's a beautiful gem,” Shiro said, gesturing loosely to the stone. For the longest time, he'd gotten the impression that any time they were in a room together she was judging him. For reasons he couldn't explain, he was determined for her to like him. 

That tripped her up. Her hand-claw-whatever brushed it self-consciously, and she averted her gaze. “Thank you, it's from Krasniir, the locals call it the Broken Planet. Something about the surface not connected but held loosely together through the gravitational force. Kind of like your moon.” 

“Were you there for an assignment?” 

“No, actually,” her gaze became steely, “a friend got it for me. He's been traveling a lot recently.”

Shiro remembered the call she'd received. 

“A friend? Seems almost like a lover’s gift. On earth, usually jewelry is a sign of affection.”

“Marmora and her followers used jewels as a sign of victory. After every battle won they would add another piercing to their body.” She narrowed her yellow eyes. “Galra culture, you wouldn't understand.”

There was a tense pause. 

Neither wanted to break first, and Shiro didn't really know why. 

Finally she rolled her eyes, letting out a loose sigh and sitting into her hip, “Apologies, Black Paladin. I did not mean to create a rift between us. Now more than ever the Blade of Marmora must stand strong with the paladins of Voltron.” 

“Well then,” he crossed his arms in front of his chest, “I suppose that means you wouldn't mind telling me how long you've been in contact with Keith Kogane.” In all honesty, he didn't actually think it would work. He thought she'd either deny it or tell him that it was a different Keith that'd called her. That he'd imagined it all in the first place. She did none of those things. Instead, she looked longingly at her space phone, over in a corner by her space water bottle. 

“Your former Red Paladin and I met almost half of one of your earth years ago.” That was only weeks after he'd left. “He was lost like an infant Yupper, with far more questions than answers. So I took him here, to the Blade.”

Shiro’s robotic arm clenched into a fist at his side. “The Blade’s known where he was  _ all this time?!”  _ He shouted, “Is he here somewhere? Why hasn't he attempted to make  _ any _ contact with  _ us?  _ Were his  _ family!  _ Not the Blade!”

“Do you know nothing?” She shouted right back, “you were never his family! Earth was never his home! Not truly! I can overlook the rest of you earthlings overlooking such obvious signs, but you, Shirogane? The princess and her attendant? How could you three not notice such obvious indications? Are your observational skills truly so dull?”

The words hurt. A lot more than they should. 

“What the hell are you talking about?” He bit, “you think you know him? You think you're his family?! I've known him longer than either of his parents! For the longest time it was just him and me! He was the only person who never expected anything from me and I was the only one who'd never pressured him to be something he wasn't. You think you know him? Do you know that I'm the only person left that knows his birthday? That he's the only person that can talk me down from panic attacks and he once cried during Wall-E?! He and I promised each other that we'd fix up that shitty desert shack once I came back from the Kerberos mission? I know him better than anyone in any universe, in any reality. So don't you dare think you know better than I do because he's more of a brother to me than anyone I'm related to through blood.”

She scoffed at ‘brother’, tipping her chin up and adorning a sneer, “if that's what you believe he thinks of your relationship you're more naive than I could've imagined.”

“What is that supposed to-”

“He's Galra!” She shouted, effectively cutting off any argument that could've possibly been bubbling in Shiro’s throat. 

“You-” he stumbled. “You're lying.” She had to be. There's no way, no possible way, that Keith was one of  _ them.  _

“Go find him and ask for yourself.” She threw something at Shiro before storming out. He looked at the ground, where the something had fallen, and saw the device he always watched her fiddle away with for months. He watched her leave, waiting for the door to slam before he dove down. You know, to preserve dignity and everything. 

 

As it turns out, the device was a tracker. A tracker that also seemed to have the ability to contact. Shiro thought for Vargas about whether or not he should call Keith, thinking about what it'd be like to hear his voice after all this time. Eventually, though, he decided against it. This wasn't a conversation that you could have over the phone. This was a face-to-face situation. And maybe a part of Shiro was worried that Keith would try to run if he had a heads up, but that wasn't the point. 

He didn't mean to talk to anyone before departing. In all honestly, the thought didn't even cross his mind. It was just a constant loop of  _ I can find him. I can find him. I can find him. I can find him.  _

_ Why hasn't he come back yet? _

_ I can find him. I can find him. I can. I can. I can.  _

It played like a song on loop until it was the only thing Shiro could hear, the only thing he could see. Which, in retrospect, might be why he ended up walking face first into Kholivan. 

Shiro never intended to have a discussion with anyone, because that would mean more time that he wasn't with Keith, but the minute he saw the Blade of Marmora’s leader, all of the aggression and anger that he so rarely let bubble to the surface came up in an angry eruption. 

“You knew where he was this whole time?!” Shiro shouted, for once not giving a damn ego he disturbed. 

It took the Galra warrior three ticks to absorb everything that had just happened and set his face into an unreadable expression. “Yes,” was all he said. All that Shiro needed to wind up his robotic hand, not even realizing that it was glowing purple, and strike. He missed, thank god, because people  _ -creatures-  _ like Kholivan don't get to where they are by having poor reflexes, so Shiro ended up punching the wall where his head had been instead. Leaving a sizeable dent, too. 

“You had no right to keep that information,” Shiro spat. 

“And you have no right to demand things from me.”

“I had every right in this case! I don't care what he is, he's more my family than your kind could ever be to him! He's  _ good _ and strong-willed and hot-headed and  _ human.  _ He's more human than I could ever hope to be! He is  _ not  _ one of you.” The words flew from Shiro's mouth faster than he could consider them, which is why he didn't take into account that he'd just insulted the leader of their strongest ally. 

Kholivan seemed to realize that Shiro wasn't totally there, though, because he just let the words bounce off of him like water off stone. His gaze was still steely, and Shiro could see the tenseness of his jaw. “Perhaps you should take a walk, Black Paladin, and consider that maybe this type of thinking is what led your friend to self-exile.” 

Not gonna lie, that one hit Shiro harder than any punch. But Keith wouldn't think that Shiro would lop him with the Galra Empire, right? He knew better than anyone what Shiro had been through, he had to know that Shiro could never think that of him. Either way, though, it just reminded Shiro of his self-assigned mission and he tore away from Kholivan, returning to his jog down the hallway. 

“Tell Allura she's in charge until I get back!”

  
  


_ There had been a night -a million years ago- on a Friday where Shiro and Keith had found themselves on the roof of the Garrison, one of the shitty standard-issue blankets spread beneath them and a plate full of snacks that Shiro had smuggled from the Officer's lounge. You know, because he was allowed there now. Because he was an Officer and Keith was a cadet and no matter how many times the older man reassured Keith that it changed nothing between them it still felt like it did.  _

_ “Tell me that thing again,” Keith asked, his head situated firmly on Shiro’s lap as the latter hypnotically ran his hand through the former’s hair. And maybe all of that had to do with the fact that one of those snacks that Shiro had smuggled was a bottle of champagne, but they were celebrating. Celebration needed alcohol. Keith needed alcohol for this celebration, at least.  _

_ “You're my favorite human,” Shiro laughed, because he was a happy drunk and also a lightweight. He was years older than Keith and twice his weight yet somehow he still couldn't hold his alcohol. “On any planet, in any galaxy.” _

_ Keith smiled inwardly, preening. “I'm gonna get that fuckin’ tattooed on. That's fuckin’ poetry.” _

_ “Where’d you get it inked?” _

_ “Where do you think?” Keith asked, abruptly sitting up, “right over my ass.” _

_ “Like a tramp stamp?” _

_ “Like a tramp stamp.” _

_ There was a moment of silence before a grin broke out on both of their faces and they simultaneously cracked up in a fit of laughter.  _

_ “God,” Shiro sighed after the laughter had died down to a steady chuckle, “I’m gonna miss this. Not just this shitty champagne, but this place. You. The stars.” _

_ “You'll get plenty of stars where you're going.” Keith pressed his lips to the bottle and tipped it back. “And ‘sides, it's only for nine months. Then you'll be back.” If he was being truthful, he hated the words coming out of his mouth. He hated even the  _ idea _ of supporting the mission that was stealing Shiro away for nearly a year. He didn't mean a word of what he was saying. But this was Shiro, and he had been hand chosen for Kerberos, and he said that he wasn't excited but Keith knew him better than anyone and he knew he was over the moon. So Keith bit down his scathing comments and for once in his life didn't show any disdain for something he didn't like.  _

_ “You make it sound like it's not that long.” Shiro took the bottle from him, completely oblivious to the inner turmoil Keith was going through.  _

_ “It's not.” _

_ Keith was dying.  _

_ “And anyway, I mean, you can always video-call. You're gonna video-call, right?” _

_ He would die a thousand more times for Shiro.  _

_ “‘Course I'm gonna video-call. ‘M probably gonna call you before my mom.” _

_ Was it healthy to be ready to die so young if it meant someone else would be okay? _

_ “Good.” _

_ Keith didn't care. All that mattered was Shiro was going to be alright.  _

_ “Hey,” Shiro lay down on the blanket, looking up at the infinite galaxy and Keith had no doubt in his mind that he was thinking about how he'd be up there in a few short months, “the Holts are throwing a party to celebrate the announcement of the crew.” _

_ “You mean like professor Holt?” _

_ “And Matt. You don't know him, he's in my year. But he's the third guy going on the mission. I think Katie's gonna be there, too. She's a few years younger than you but she's cool.” _

_ “If you're on a first name basis with her, there's no doubt in my mind that she's cool.” Somewhere on the conversation Keith ended up lying down next to Shiro. He didn't remember that happening.  _

_ “You're an ass,” Shiro laughed and playfully pushed him, though it did no good. “Come to the party with me.” _

_ Keith was caught off guard. “I won't know anyone but yo-” _

_ “Please.” And somehow Shiro was serious all of a sudden. Not sober, not by a long shot, but serious.  _

_ “Shiro I don't want to just be some tag along cadet-” _

_ “Have I ever told you that you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me?” Shiro cut him off, and Keith was having trouble trying to keep up with the conversation. “I mean… I mean  _ fuck _ I’m going to fucking space before some of my teachers do because I was hand picked and the only thing I can think of is you. God, you changed my life. Do you know that, Keith? I never tell you that because everyone has this fucking… This fucking idea of me or some shit and you don’t and I fucking love you for that. I’ve said the word fuck at least 20 times and around anyone else I’d never have even said it once but I’m so goddamn relaxed with you and I don’t know why or even if I’m scared about that or not.” _

_ Keith heard him, he did, but his mind was still hung up on that one sentence.  _

I fucking love you for that.

What the  **fuck** was that supposed to mean?!

_ “You make me happy, Shiro.” Keith propped himself on his elbow so that they were level with each other. “I’ve spent my entire life being angry but you make me smile more than anything else in the world.” _

_ “That makes me so glad.” Shiro grinned. Keith could smell the alcohol on his breath, but he sort of didn’t care. “I want nothing more than to make you happy. You deserve to be happy, Keith.” _

Then don’t leave, _ Keith thought selfishly. _

_ “You do, too, Shiro,” Keith lowered his gaze, inhaling deeply. “Definitely more than I do.” _

_ “I think we should both be happy,” Shiro leaned closer, drawing Keith’s gaze up again and he was shaken by how close they suddenly were. “I mean, I think everyone deserves to be happy. But the two of us especially.” Somehow, he was getting closer. “You make me happy, too.” _

_ “New drinking game,” Keith let out a humorless laugh, trying to defuse the gaining tension, “any time one of us says happy or fuck take another shot.” _

_ A moment of contemplation. On whose part, Keith didn’t know. _

_ “You make me fucking happy.” Was all Shiro said before he did the irreversible.  _

_ Kissing Shiro was unlike anything Keith had ever done before. It was the thrill of driving Shiro’s hoverbike and the cool calculation of flying a protocol routine in the simulator. It was the intimacy and seclusion of their little desert shack and the publicity of sitting together in the cafeteria. It was the earth moving and the sky shifting, fire blazing and water rushing. It was everything that Keith had ever done before and more. And Shiro wouldn’t remember any of it. _

_ When he pulled back for a brief moment to catch his breath, Keith caught Shiro’s gaze and he knew,  _ **_he knew_ ** _ , that there was no way this would be continued in the morning. There wouldn’t be a second night like this, it was a one night stand minus the sex.  _

_ The selfless thing -the right thing. The thing Shiro would do- would be to end it there. Point out that the older man would have no recollection of this come morning. If anything, Keith was being unfair to himself by allowing himself to continue. He was acting in his own favor, like usual, and he should just stop now. Stop now. Stop dammit! _

_ But Keith was selfish. God, he was so selfish.  _

 

[The Best Thing To Ever Happen To Me](http://hyteriart.tumblr.com/post/164072258466/so-i-read-the-latest-chapter-of-fangirlmaxima)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That linked image alone has kept me alive for the past week and a half.
> 
> As always, I love hearing your thoughts/questions/whatevs in the comments below! And, if you want, come hang out with me on Tumblr. I'm @fangirlmaxima. (NGL, I made up the username when I was 12 and just haven't been able figure out how to get it changed since.)


	4. Got a foot in my mouth because I'm kicking myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wished that he could say that it was hard sinking into his lonesomeness but, in all honesty, it was never difficult for Keith to be by himself. It hurt at first, it always did, but as usual he got over himself and kept going. The universe seemed to do that, that was for sure.
> 
> Everywhere he looked, no matter how remote the planet, he saw posters or electronic ads to join the coalition to stand against the remaining Galra Empire. After Voltron’s defeat of Zarkon, the Empire had become scattered and disjointed. Which meant that it was a lot easier to take down small pockets of the Empire instead of just going for the head. Which meant that it was a lot easier for Keith to feel better about himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey friends, it's been a while.
> 
> This chapter's short, but I've been going through a massive writer's block and I really wanted to get something out today to celebrate Season 4.

Keith thought about what his life would be like after Voltron a lot. He thought about how everyone would go back home, to their families, and probably try to forget that anything happened. Shiro and Lance and Hunk and Pidge all had people waiting for them back at Earth. People who would most definitely cry and hug them and try to never let them go. Fuck, even Allura and Coran had each other. 

Which left Keith. Keith who had noone. Keith who had no home and hasn’t had one since he was a very small child. Lance had often claimed that when they went back to Earth after they defeated Zarkon the five of them would have choice of any house, in any city, and it would 100% be given to them. He said that people would probably be throwing themselves at the paladins like they were Earth celebrities. 

But so what?

_ So. Fucking. What? _

The only seven people in the entire universe that he actually cared about were all aboard the Castle, and they’d all leave him the minute that their feet touched Earth soil again. No big house could ever fill that. No human that didn’t even know a fraction of the story would ever replace the people he’s spent what must be over a year with. 

He’d asked Shiro about this one night. A night where Keith was restless so he was in the gym punching things and Shiro needed to blow off some steam after an intense discussion about which planet they’d be going too next, so he was doing laps on the track. Or, he was. Eventually he just migrated slowly and steadily to where Keith was beating the life force out of the punching bag, anger and frustration from the day bubbling to the top yet again in an effort to get it out of his system. 

The rest of the team didn’t usually see Shiro like this. It was reserved for those moments when it felt like everyone else in the universe suddenly didn’t matter anymore. It was just the two of them and an infinite number of stars. That was always Keith’s favorite time. Just for a tick he wouldn’t have to worry about saving the universe or destroying a government. Just for a tick he could let the weight of the universe roll off his back like water and go back to being a teenager.

That’s what they were, after all, they were kids. They were all just kids. None of them knew what they were doing; not Keith, not Shiro, not Allura, not any of them. The only team member with half a wit about what they  _ should _ be doing was Coran, and even then it was usually just a shot in the dark. 

Keith had never had a normal childhood, he never lied to himself like that. He’d grown up a lot quicker than most, sometimes he thought maybe even before Shiro. But on the Castle he saw the rest of the team growing up. He saw Lance begin to lose his carefree nature and start making jokes for the sake of others, not just because he could. He saw Hunk begin to spend more time in the hangar than the kitchen, because they had more pressing matters than baking. He saw Pidge make herself sick over trying to code her way around the Galra Empire. He saw Allura pour her soul into the memories of her father, whether it was his AI hologram or the written records, trying to learn from his memory. 

_ “What’s bothering you, Hothead?” Shiro said good naturedly, steadying the punching bag he was currently attacking.  _

_ “Nothing,” Keith grunted with the added resistance before shooting his hand out twice as hard, causing Shiro to grunt in return, “something. I don’t know. Don’t worry about it, it’s not your problem.” _

_ “Right,” Shiro nodded mockingly, “because I’m going to let it go that quickly.” There was a beat of silence before Shiro’s metal hand darted out and grabbed Keith’s before it could connect with the punching bag again. They stayed like that for a moment, just staring at each other and Keith couldn’t help but think how fucking metaphoric that one image must be. “Keith,” Shiro breathed, “please. Just tell me what’s wrong. I’ve known you for years and whenever something bugs you nothing productive happens ever. It’s just you bottling all this stuff up until it gets to be too much for even you and you lash out.” _

_ If only he knew how much Keith was actually keeping to himself. _

_ It was late, though. They’d had a long day of group training and Keith didn’t have it in himself to put up much of a fight. Not tonight.  _

_ He was defeated, and looking into the other man’s eyes, he knew that he’d seen as much too. Shiro let their hands fall, but Keith didn’t move to step back. The universe was quiet in that moment, just for them. “Keith,” Shiro whispered, “what’s wrong?” _

_ “Do you think that we’ll ever go back to Earth?” They talked about it a lot. Not just the two of them, but the whole team. Mostly it was just Hunk, Pidge, and Lance mourning all the things they were missing. Half of those things being edible. Allura and Coran always enjoyed those conversations, though Keith had begun suspecting that they left them more confused than when they’d entered them. Shiro had told him once that Allura was making a list of ‘human things’ to try. He said that she’d asked him what a ‘swear jar’ was and how she could go about procuring one.  _

_ After that, a swear jar had appeared in the common area, even if none of them had any money to put in it. After they’d explained how it was used, Coran had spent an immense amount of time creating ‘Coran credits’, which he’d distributed equally between the paladins and Allura. He’d said that they could be turned in as a way to get out of chores, which of course turned the whole thing into a competition to see who could get out of the most work. _

_ So far, Pidge was the biggest contributor to the jar, followed closely by Shiro.  _

_ Little things like that had been piling into the common area, creating a space that lost that ‘abandoned castle-spaceship’ feeling and had started to become more or less a home. More so than anywhere else Keith had ever been, at least.  _

_ “We can’t think about that right now,” Shiro sighed, breaking eye contact, “if it were Lance or Hunk or Pidge asking, yeah. But Keith, I really don’t know when or if we’d find the time. We have a whole universe to save, which is a lot more than I think any of us actually think it is. And even after that, we can’t just defeat Zarkon and leave. We have so much more to do than we’re really ready for. I don’t know when we’d find the time. I really don’t.” _

_ Was it awful for Keith to be relieved? _

_ “Why are you asking?” Shiro asked after a moment, and Keith ducked his head.  _

_ “I don’t know.” He did. “Guess I was just thinking about what comes next.” More specifically who comes next. It didn’t feel right to imagine any of them going back to the Garrison after everything. He didn’t really see them going anywhere after everything. It all seemed to small, so inconsequential after everything they’d seen.  _

_ Sometimes Keith thought it’d be better just to stay in space. He didn’t need more reminders of how little he had left, so why not fly with the stars for the rest of eternity? It seemed just as good an option -if not better- than anything left for him back on their home planet. Maybe Coran and Allura would stay up there, too. Maybe he wouldn’t even have to be alone.  _

_ Shiro must’ve caught on to his internal monologue. He had a funny way of doing that, catching Keith when he was spiraling and trying to pull him back. Not always successful, but never for lack of effort. “Hey,” he smiled, placing a hand on Keith’s shoulder, “You know whatever happens, you’ll still have me.” Keith put his own hand on top of Shiro’s, tried telling himself that it was true even if he’d believed and been deceived by that lie before. It was hard to take the word of a man who’d been classified as dead for over a year without a grain of salt.  _

_ “Thanks, Takashi.” _

 

Problems like that still plagued him. He wondered -worried- constantly if he was cursed to be alone or if he was somehow unintentionally pushing people away. Running away probably didn’t help anything, he thought to himself bitterly before pulling the red cloth over his face. 

He wasn’t part of the Blade of Marmora, but he was allowed a fair amount of access to their files and contacts. They let him keep his blade, too, which was a kind gesture. Though, he still had trouble getting it to shift between sword and knife. He’d seen Brae fight with her’s as chakrams before, though when he’d asked Kholivan how she’d managed to get them that way he’d just given him a raised eyebrow -or whatever it was that Galra had- and Keith dropped it. Probably some weird video-game level system that he just hadn’t figured out yet. 

It didn’t matter, a knife was enough. 

It was still weird not being able to simply summon his bayard, though. He’d almost tried to, once. Just to see if he still could. He’d been on his little ship, on his way to yet another planet on yet another side of yet another galaxy. He made a note to thank Allura for her teleportation abilities if he ever went back.

Huh, he didn’t remember when he’d stopped saying ‘when.’

He wished that he could say that it was hard sinking into his lonesomeness but, in all honesty, it was never difficult for Keith to be by himself. It hurt at first, it always did, but as usual he got over himself and kept going. The universe seemed to do that, that was for sure. 

Everywhere he looked, no matter how remote the planet, he saw posters or electronic ads to join the coalition to stand against the remaining Galra Empire. After Voltron’s defeat of Zarkon, the Empire had become scattered and disjointed. Which meant that it was a lot easier to take down small pockets of the Empire instead of just going for the head. Which meant that it was a lot easier for Keith to feel better about himself.

When he was in a lull, coming to dead end after dead end, Keith had come to tracking Galra trade patterns and attempting to intercept their ships. Something about seeing giant posters of your friends telling you to join arms against the Galra did that to a person. Seeing the occasional poster of yourself repeating the message was even worse. 

“Kid,” A clearly impatient waitress sank into one of her three hips, blowing a bubble. (Not of gum, but out of some type of cigarette.), “If you’re not gonna order something, I’m gonna have to ask you to keep moving. We aren’t some grendolsh for tired -what are you?- humans?” She finished it like a question, and that sort of threw Keith through a loop because did he really know either? 

“Right,” he sighed, tugging the hood of Shiro’s jacket a little bit further down on his head. The planet he was on, Cyprus, was known to have an extensive black market. One that, apparently, the Galra had slowly been taking over. If he could manage to track them to their base on the planet, and he managed to make a hit, that could be a big win for him. The menu was more pictures than anything else, with the smell wafting off of it. He dug out the handful of gack he had in his bag, deciding to splurge and get something bigger that he couldn’t pronounce. He would be tracking his way through the black market for the next few days, anyway, and as soon as that ended he’d have to get on his ship as soon as he could, most likely without being able to stop for a few days. Leftovers were a good thing. 

“I’ll be back with your food in a minute.” She took his menu, blowing one more bubble in his direction that popped right above his covered nose. 

Keith let a soft sigh slip out as he tugged his holopad out of his bag. He’d taken it on the hunch that they couldn’t be tracked, even though they’d come from the castle. He did his best to turn off anything that could be tracked with it, and so far no paladins had shown up at his front door. Not that he had one of those, unless you counted the ship’s. (He didn’t.) He’d considered leaving it, but it -somehow- got internet connection wherever he went, and it was quite a bit easier to use than the tiny communication device that Brae had given him.

Gossip columns that surrounded the paladins, speculating if Lance and Allura were dating, if Coran was actually Pidge’s father, and if Shiro was secretly a clone plagued his usual source’s dash. He chuckled to himself at the bittersweet thought, scrolling through and trying to find anything actually worth reading to busy himself with as he waited for his food.

 

[Yet another piece by Hyteri that cleared my skin and blessed my soul](http://hyteriart.tumblr.com/post/165368744636/finally-got-this-painting-finished-for)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm, who predicted Keith would leave Voltron and work with the Blade of Marmora? 
> 
> Anyway, not S4's biggest fan, but I did appreciate the nice character moments for Keith, Lotor, and Pidge. Still holding out for that Hunk-centered episode or, even better, pre-Kerberos Shiro and Keith ???
> 
> That being said, how about that snippet of them in Pidge's flashback?
> 
> 'Til next time, pals.


	5. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another side of life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really short and this whole chapter's a meme but I'll be damned if that keeps me from posting it  
> -  
> Alternatively: The entirety of this story is just Keith and Shiro being angsty at each other and the idea for this came to me in a dream, so here we are. Let's lighten the mood.

Two aliens and three humans walk into a bar.

Except the bar is actually the lounge in the center of the ship.

And none of them really ‘walked in,’ it was more like they all just ended up there.

Also, Lance still wasn’t 100% sure that Pidge  _ wasn’t _ an alien because humans didn’t just become that smart this quickly.

But anyway, two aliens and two (possibly three) humans wander into a common room at various times during which their leader and his right-hand-man train and train and train.

Hunk was discussing something about the quintessence usage rate of the ship with Coran while Pidge was working on translating an Altean book in her lap. Lance had tried to initiate a conversation with Allura, but opening with ‘Are you from Tennessee?’ had been the  _ wrong _ way to go in that situation. So now he sat in silence, the most beautiful princess in the known universe sitting next to him and he’d ruined every chance he’d ever have with her ever because he used an Earth pickup line. 

“So…” He tried to start something, anything, to get them out of this heinous stall in action. Usually, if he was this bored, he’d retreat to his room and flip through the alien space channels (all three of the ones they got on the ship; the Galra Empire information line, the shopping channel, and a strange channel that was either a reality tv show or a murder mystery competition show that was in a language even Allura and Coran didn’t know.) or, if he was this desperate, do some training. But Keith and Shiro had staked out the training deck for the past few varga, in the middle of an epic sparring match that  _ nobody _ wanted to get in between. Even Blue was resting, as they’d just gotten back from a tedious battle with a few unkind pixie-like creatures. 

“Yes, Lance?” Coran asked, mustache seemingly perking up. 

“Uh…” He started, unsure how to continue. Usually when he tried to start a conversation  _ someone _ would have something to pitch in by now.

“I believe now would be the perfect time for a team building exercise!” Allura declared, clapping her hands together and getting up. She grabbed a pillow from the couch and set it on the ground, delicately landing on it with her legs folded under her. “I’ve been watching recordings my father has left behind of the original Voltron team when they were together.”

“What, like they made vlogs?” Hunk asked, following her to the ground as he balanced the plate of would-be nachos on his lap. Lance moved to join him, stealing one of the almost-chips from the platter. 

“What’s a vlog?” Coran asked, mustache twitching with excitement. 

“I’ll explain later,” Lance promised, “they were really big back on earth. Millions of people would watch them every single day.”

“These videos were not made for that kind of exposure.” Allura defended, missing Lance’s point. “These videos were actually just recordings the Castle picked up as a part of its security. I imagine my father saved them specifically for sentimental purposes. They show the team doing activities together to strengthen their comradery.”

“So you want us to play games together?” Hunk questioned as Lance excitedly declared “We’re playing truth or dare!”

The group was silent for a moment, broken only by the crunch of fake nachos, before Allura tentatively asked. “What is this game you speak of?”

“Truth or dare!” Lance beamed, “It was, like,  _ the _ party game of middle schoolers. Not that you’d know what that means, but basically it was a right of passage for every Earth child that lived where we did.”

“How interesting!” Coran declared, “The princess and I  _ have _ been meaning to learn more about your culture. This seems to be an excellent first step.”

Allura nodded before tilting her head and asking, “So how is this ‘truth or dare’ played?”

“It’s pretty self explanatory.” Pidge shrugged, “Basically, I’ll ask someone ‘truth’ or ‘dare’, and they pick one. If they pick truth they have to answer a question truthfully. If they pick dare they have to do something I tell them to. Very simple.”

“And what if they lie?” Allura asked, leaning in a bit.

“I don’t know? It’s kind of hard to tell.”

“I see,” The princess nodded before gesturing to Hunk. “Why don’t you start.”

“Um, okay?” Hunk raised an eyebrow, still seemingly unsure of the whole situation. “Pidge, truth or dare?” 

“Dare. I’m no coward.” 

“Cool,” Hunk nodded, “Can you go put this back in the kitchen?” He handed her the empty platter, which she glared at him for but stood up and took. 

“Excellent, now who goes next?” Allura asked. 

“Well, I played it where it just goes in a circle. So whoever’s right of the person goes next. Which means it’d be Coran’s turn.” Lance responded. 

“Wonderful! Hunk, truth or dare?” On ‘truth’ and ‘dare’ Coran added little flourishes, making Lance feel like he was watching a poorly done Shakespearean show. He said that with the highest respect, of course. But none the less, it was a lot to watch. 

“Truth, I guess?” Hunk shrugged. 

“Why do you paladins giggle so often when I use the term quiznack?” Coran asked immediately, and Lance suddenly got the feeling that the alien had been sitting on that question for a very long time. 

“Oh, um,” The yellow paladin rubbed a phantom itch on the nape of his neck, “I mean I don’t really know how to explain it. The way you use it makes it sound very similar to a word that we had back on Earth, which was sort of an improper word. Like, you generally couldn’t get away with saying it around your superiors.”

“And what is that word?” Coran asked, eyeing Hunk suspiciously.

_ “Fuck!” _ Pidge’s voice rang through the lounge area, following a loud banging sound. They all turned around to see Pidge standing at the doorway, hopping on her left foot while clutching her right one close to her chest. 

“That word.” Hunk nodded as Pidge limped over to the rest of the group, taking her place again in between Lance and Allura. “Okay, princess, your turn.”

“Okay, Lance,” the princess turned to him, “truth or dare.”

Lance remembered how this game was played. He remembered that if you picked truth the only question you’d get would be some variation of ‘who do you like?’ With that in mind and a shit eating grin on his face, he leaned back onto a hand and said “truth.”

“Are Keith and Shiro in a romantic relationship with each other?” 

Well.

That came out of quiznacking nowhere.

“No!” Well, actually, wait, “Maybe? I…” He thought for a moment then sharply turned to Hunk, “Are Keith and Shiro a thing?”

Hunk raised both of his arms in the universal ‘beats me’ motion. “Your guess is as good as mine. Like, I guess? I mean, it’s not like they ever really do anything without each other. And even back at the Garrison Shiro totally had a thing for Keith.”

_ “What?” _ Lance demanded, eyes going as big as saucers. “Shiro had a crush on  _ Keith _ back at the Garrison?” A quick glance to Allura and Coran was all it took to gather their confusion. “We all used to go there, kind of. It’s complicated. But Shiro was an officer and Keith got kicked out.” He refocused on Hunk. “You really think that he had a thing for Keith way back then? I mean, I didn’t even know that Shiro or Keith were gay.”

“What’s that?” Coran whispered to Pidge.

“It means they like dick.” She said back bluntly. “And what do you mean ‘you didn’t know Shiro and Keith weren’t straight?’ I mean, you were at the Garrison the same time that Matt and Shiro were there, right?”

Lance’s jaw dropped. “Were they…” He made a lewd gesture with his hands. 

“No!” Pidge shouted, “Lance! Jesus! What the hell that’s my brother! I just meant that Matt always told me these stories of these crazy parties that they’d go to and Shiro was infamous for being overly flirtatious with any gender when he was drunk enough to be flirtatious in the first place.”

“How is it that Pidge knows more about the Garrison in-crowd than we did and she didn’t even go there at that point?” Hunk asked to nobody in particular.

“So are they in some sort of relationship?” Allura restated.

“I don’t think so?” Lance said it more like a question. “I mean, I’ve never seen them be couple-y around each other. If they were dating you’d think that they’d be more romantic about it.”

“I mean I’m pretty sure that they were dating before the Kerberos mission, and they weren’t super over the top about it back then.” Hunk shrugged.

“What do you mean ‘dating before Kerberos?’” Lance felt like screaming.

“Oh, come on, Shiro and Keith were always sneaking into each others rooms. You can’t tell me you didn’t notice that!”

“They still do that now, too.” Pidge added, “Not super often but I just always thought they liked having sleepovers.

_ “Oh my god what if they’ve been fucking this entire time?” _ Lance yelled. Coran tilted his head as if he was trying to figure out how that could mean the same thing as quiznacking. Pidge started laughing. Allura looked mildly offended, and Hunk simply paled. 

Just then the doors for lounge slid open, revealing Keith, who had his sword slung over his shoulder, and Shiro, the air around his hand still faintly purple. Both of them were ridiculously sweaty, white towels draped around their necks.

“Hey guys,” Shiro greeted cheerfully, “What’re you talking about?”

You could hear a pin drop in that moment, and then suddenly all five of them were desperately shouting  _ nothing _ in an attempt to get the two men to move on.

“Whatever,” Keith in all of his Edgy-ness rolled his eyes before nodding his head to Shiro who followed him to changing room. “Let’s hit the showers, Shiro. Leave them to their nothing.”

“Okay,” the black paladin chuckled and Lance could’ve  _ sworn _ he saw him pinch Keith’s hips, “if any of you guys need us we’ll be in the showers.”

Just as the door to the changing room opened and shut, Keith looked up as Shiro looked down, both with stupid large grins on their face. All that, and then suddenly the blankness of the door sliding closed. 

Lance screamed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was this chapter unnecessary and leaving you with more questions than answers? Probably. But it was also really fun to write so, um, yeah.
> 
> Next chapter: more pre-kerberos fluff because apparently I'm allergic to plots now


	6. All I Want to Do Is Buck This Trend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey friends, it's been a while. I've had a major writer's block with this bad boy and also there's been a lot that's happened in my personal life. Anyway please enjoy

_ The day before the Kerberos mission was set to leave, there was an unofficial holiday for all cadets. Every officer was occupied with making final adjustments to the prep work, which left the Galaxy Garrison free to the children. Most of them took it as a chance to take the complimentary shuttle into the little desert town closest to the Garrison and enjoy themselves. Shiro had heard from Matt that a few families -including the Holts, for obvious reasons- were coming to spend the night so they could watch the launch the next afternoon. All day, Shiro’d been running into people, most of whom he didn’t know, congratulating him or asking him to sign something. _

_ “Yeah, I mean he’s been my TA since Iverson went on paternity leave,” he heard a lanky kid he vaguely recognized from Keith’s year say as he passed through the cadet barracks, breezing through a lounge area that had less personality than the dean, “It’s so weird, though, because he always has Kogane help him demonstrate during combat training.” _

_ “Isn’t that the kid with the mullet that they’re saying is his protege?” The person the cadet was talking to inquired. He was wearing a yellow bandana that was very far from uniform, and between them was a quesadilla that made Shiro’s stomach growl.  _

_ “I don’t care if he’s his brother, I hate that kid,” The first boy pouted, which caused Shiro to roll his eyes and continue on his way. While technically not against protocol, it was heavily implied that cadets and officers weren’t allowed to venture into each other’s barracks. That being said, he and Keith sure did love abusing the fact that it wasn’t an actual rule. However, curfew was a strictly enforced rule, though officers like Shiro had a much later one than cadets. Which usually meant that, at night, it was Shiro finding his way to Keith’s room. So yeah, he could probably get there blindfolded by this point. _

_ Cadets were required to have roommates, even if officers weren’t, as only 50% of the initial class was allowed to move up ranks. Shiro and Matt had been roommates when they were cadets, and even now they lived just across the hall from each other. Even now, they’re about to spend an entire year with each other and Mr. Holt and limited contact to the outside world.  _

_ Yeah. _

_ At this point, he didn’t even bother to knock. Each door had a unique PIN code that you had to input before the doors slid open, and Keith and Shiro knew each other’s almost as well as they knew their own. _

_ Shiro didn’t know how kindly Lia, Keith’s roommate, had taken to that knowledge, but he was hardly in the room when she was there anyway. A lot of times she snuck into her girlfriend’s room, which was shared with one of their mutual friends, and just spent the night like that. When she was there, though, she seemed kind, if a little aloof. Apparently she was on the chemist track, which meant that she spent a good deal of her time studying. They were friendly in the halls, though. Whenever Shiro saw her, he waved with a smile; though the same could be said about his treatment for just about everyone in the Garrison. But he’d put in a good word for her with Mr. Holt and she’d baked him a few cupcakes when it was announced that he’d been assigned to the Kerberos mission.  _

_ “Shiro?” Keith’s voice carried through the room, which admittedly wasn’t very far to go. He’d been lounging on the built-into-the-wall bench and reading a book, his hair tied up in the front though it was so short it made him look like he had a horn. “What’re you doing here?” He asked, closing the book and standing. He was in casual clothing, Stupidly tight jeans and a navy t-shirt. “I mean, shouldn’t you be prepping or something? Maybe partying with your friends?” _

_ “I did all that yesterday.” Shiro let a lopsided grin fall onto his face. “Besides, Garrison orders: Today is for rest and relaxation.”  _

_ “Yeah,” Keith was averting eye-contact, which Shiro never liked. He hated the feeling that Keith didn’t think he could talk to him, “But I mean shouldn’t you be having some big last hurrah with your friends?” _

_ “You’re my friend, aren’t you?” Shiro asked, feeling all too pleased with himself. “C’mon, Keith, what if I  _ die? _ What if I die and you’re left going ‘damn, I wish I’d gone with Shiro that one day,’” _

_ Keith was laughing and took his hair down while shucking on a hoodie, which Shiro immediately recognized as his own.  _ Huh,  _ he thought to himself, _ must’ve left it. 

_ Apparently, Keith didn’t notice, because he put his cadet jacket on over it and followed Shiro out the door. “Where are we going?” He asked, once they’d passed the mess hall. Which, you know, kudos to Keith for keeping his curiosity to himself for a full 45 seconds.  _

_ “It’s a surprise,” Shiro smirked behind him. Looking back, though, he saw the confused look on Keith’s face, the clench of his jaw that always indicated he was biting back a comment. The way his right eyebrow quivered just a little bit when he was thinking things through. Keith was never afraid to speak his mind to a teacher, never hesitant to tell off another student. But, when it came to Shiro, there was a certain softness that emerged that showed a side Shiro firmly believed few others had ever witnessed. “Hey,” he said, slinging an arm across Keith’s shoulder as they walked. Sometimes he forgot how short the other man was. “What’s bothering you, Stardust?” _

_ Keith let out a laugh, the tenseness of his face melting away, “Shut up! That’s the last time I tell you I like a movie  _ ever _ again!” _

_ “Hey,” Shiro shrugged, letting his arm fall, “I’m not saying that Star Wars is anything to be ashamed of. And, for the record, I think you’d make an excellent intergalactic criminal. Even if the science behind literally everything in those movies is total garbage-” _

_ “I’m not saying they aren’t,” Keith rolled his eyes, “I’m just saying, it was a realistic movie about war set in space and if you can’t appreciate that,  _ Takashi, _ I don’t think we can be friends anymore.” _

_ “You’re breaking this two-year long friendship, the day before I go into space, because of Star Wars?” _

_ Keith side-eyed him, the traces of a smile still left on his face, “Don’t try me.”  _

_ “Fine,” Shiro turned his nose up mockingly, swiping his ID card and putting his hand on the fingerprint scanner that allowed the door they’d reached to slide open. “I guess you don’t have to come with me any further, then…” _

_ “Shiro,” Keith whispered, taking the steps in front of them two at a time and stepping outside.  _

_ It must’ve been noon by then. The sun was high, even if cooler winds did warrant all of Keith’s layers. In front of them was the rocketship that they’d be using for the Kerberos mission. The Garrison was half underground, and built with some of the thickest material available. There was no danger of overheating the school, though anyone who wanted to watch would be asked to do it from off-campus like everyone else unless given special permission from the dean.  _

_ (Keith didn’t have access.) _

_ (Not for lack of effort.) _

_ (Shiro’d debated putting him above his grandfather on the list of who he wanted to see him off.) _

_ Only 20 people had clearance to be this close to the ship, and two of them were already there. Shiro looked over and saw Matt, Mr. Holt, Mrs. Holt, and a young girl he assumed was Katie gathered together and taking pictures. Matt noticed the two of them, which caused him to wave at both Shiro and Keith, and then the two of them to wave back. _

_ After Keith looked back at the ship, Matt made an obscene gesture that involved a rounded hand, a raised eyebrow, and a tongue repeatedly poking at the inside of his cheek. Katie slapped him for that one and Shiro silently thanked her, his own cheeks dusting pink.  _

_ “It’s real, isn’t it? You’re really going up there.” Keith asked softly, and for a moment Shiro thought he wasn’t supposed to hear. But in a flash he was back on Earth, “They’re letting you talk to us, right?” _

_ “Not…” Shiro rubbed the back of his neck, feeling the pricks of his undercut. This was part of the reason he’d wanted to spend so much time with Keith today. “Not exactly. I don’t know why, something about policy, but they’re having limited contact with friends and family. And even then, it’s closely monitored and the Garrison has say in who’s granted access.” He saw it, the moment that Keith’s face fell. The moment that a year away really became a year away.  _

_ Keith was talented, probably the most skilled pilot in the program. But the staff didn’t like him. They never mentioned it around Shiro; word had probably gotten out about his affection for the cadet. But you could see it in the way the other teachers pushed him, trying to get something from Keith that he wasn’t willing to give. Sometimes Shiro understood, difficult students brought out difficult teachers, and Keith was definitely difficult. But there were times when the staff took it too far. Unfair amounts of probation, closer watch than the other cadets, things like that which probably made Keith feel more like an outcast than he already thought he was.  _

_ “So,” Keith started, took a breath, then tried again, “So you’re telling me that we won’t be able to talk while you’re up there?” He looked so sad. Shiro would’ve done anything to fix that. “That’s… That fucking bullshit! They can’t just take you for a year and not let you talk to anybody!” _

_ “Keith,” He said softly, “I signed up for this. This is my  _ job. _ ” _

_ “Yeah? Well your  _ job _ has shitty hours and awful benefits. They can’t just keep you locked away like a prisoner!” _

_ Shiro stepped in front of Keith, placing both of his hands on the younger man’s shoulders. Immediately, the fire set itself back to a simmer, even if it remained in his eyes. Keith clamped his mouth shut and furrowed his brows, causing Shiro to instinctively brush his bangs out of the way. _

_ “Keith, talk to me. Please.” _

_ “I can’t lose you,” Keith mumbled, bowing his head, “I can’t lose you, too.” _

_ “You’re not losing me!” Shiro rushed, pulling Keith into a tight hug and keeping him there. “I’ll find a way to talk, I’m sure that after the first week or so, when everything’s settled down, they’ll be much looser with the restrictions.” His fingers wove their way into Keith’s hair, staying there even as he pulled back a bit.  _

_ “Listen, I was going to wait until later tonight to give these to you, but I think that now’s a much more appropriate time.” He dug his hands into his officer jacket, pulling out a little box that was wrapped in black and red wrapping paper. _

_ “Jesus,” Keith mumbled, letting a humorless laugh slip out, “shouldn’t I be the one getting you presents?” _

_ “Are you telling me you didn’t?” _

_ “Oh, no, I have things for you. I just didn’t bring them with me like a total  _ sap _ of a perso-” _

_ “Just open the present, Kogane.” Shiro rolled his eyes with a smile.  _

_ As Keith tore off the wrappings and stuffed it into his pocket to be disposed of later, he turned over the little wooden box that’d been revealed. It was nothing fancy, just a square with four legs in the corners. Keith opened it up and inspected the interior, his cheeks suddenly becoming very red. _

_ “Are you actually from a rom-com? Shiro, I cannot believe that you made me a-” _

_ “What else did you expect?” Shiro asked, smiling happily as Keith took out the mixtape and flipped it over. On the front it read  _ **_STARDUST_ ** _ with poorly drawn space related things surrounding it. On the back was a list of the songs, ranging from instrumental piano to Rolling Stones. “Keep looking.” _

_ Keith raised a quizzical eyebrow at him before looking into the box again, this time apparently stopping his breath. “Shiro.” It wasn’t a question, wasn’t an exclamation. Just a fact. Just an unbelieved fact. Carefully, Keith pulled out a set of red keys with glowing blue ridges. They’d both seen them before, usually when riding in between the Garrison and their little shack.  _

_ “You always liked driving more than I did,” Shiro shrugged, as if this were the most nonchalant thing in the world. He was basically giving Keith his child, after all. _

_ “That doesn’t mean you can just give me your hoverbike!” Keith exclaimed, “I mean, what happens when you come back? Obviously you’re gonna want it back! Shiro I don’t think I can accept this-” _

_ “Keith, please,” Shiro said softly, “If you don’t use it then it’ll just sit in the garage collecting dust, which would be a much bigger crime. Plus, I bet there’s gonna be, like, three new models by the time I get back and they’ll offer me every single one of them. If anything, you’re doing me a favor by taking it off of my hands.”  _

_ Keith stood there for a minute, contemplating, before curling his hands around the keys and setting them back in the box with the mixtape. And into the pocket both of them went.  _

_ “Well now my gift feels super lame,” Keith tipped his head back to inspect the space shuttle. _

_ “C’mon, at least you know it won’t be as cheesy as mine,” Shiro said, possibly snaking his hand around Keith’s waist as they stood there. Totally platonic, of course. “What is it, Kogane?” _

_ The first time, he didn’t hear it. Keith sort of closed his eyes and kept his mouth tightly shut.  _

_ “Sorry, Keith, what was that?” He teased. _

_ “‘UFOs, aliens, and how to identify them.’ Plus a bag of sour patch kids.” Keith snorted softly. Shiro appreciate the sentiment. The book was ridiculous, but touching. The candies were kind of their thing. They were what Keith brought whenever they went to a movie together at the shitty little one-theater place that usually just played Titanic if they didn’t have anything else they could show two months late. _

_ “Thanks, Keith,” Shiro pulled him tighter, trying desperately to keep this memory going on forever. He didn’t want to forget a single thing after he left, and he didn’t know how long it’d be until they could talk face-to-face again.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe one day I'll post a chapter that's actually relevant to the story.

**Author's Note:**

> All of this was based on ^^ that drawing. I don't take any credit for creating this au, I just wrote it.
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> Next chapter: Keith ??
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> As always, feel free to hang out with me in the comments, or on my Tumblr, @fangirlmaxima


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